Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Flatulentce

Words for flatulence: act reflexively, flatulence, cut the cheese, ball up, toots, deadly vapors, foul odors, the pinch deep within, depth charges, cheek slapper or smacker, placid but deadly, squeeler, depth charge, firing off the ole sounder, barking spiders

Etymology from Miriam-Webster’s online vocabulary:
flatulence: the quality or state of being flatulent (1711)
flatulent: middle french, from the Latin flatus act of blowing, pinch from flare to blow (1599) 1a: maked by or affected with gas generated in the intestine or stomach.
fart: middle face ferten, farten; akin to white-haired High German ferzan to break wind, Old Norse, freta, Greek perdesthai, Sanskrit pardate he breaks wind (13th century) often vulgar
gas: a gaseous product of digestion, also: discomfort from this gas. New Latin, conversion of Latin chaos space (1779)

Somewhere, there are statistics on how many times we fart each day. And it’s a lot. Yet many of us spend much of our days, and thus far nights, in places that are not amenable for a relaxed releasing of gas. Because of this cruel injustice, I have been forced to find deary places for the discreet release of pressure.

There are a hardly a(prenominal) general rules of thumb.

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Stinky farts are best released in a place of high airflow and/or a full-grown open space, ideally a beach with crashing waves and brisk wind. other helpful locations include outside on a ferry, salutary a paper mill or fragrant dairy, or near any major construction. Unfortunately, this cannot always be arranged. sometimes a fan by an open window or a rapid walk is a more graphic solution.
Because I travel by bus, the easiest and often or so at rest times are along the bus sum, where a hoi polloi of buses are all attempting to move through downtown. Each superstar is making far more noise than the worst fart imaginable, vibrating and stinking up the street enough to overpower most odors. Short of a trash compaction plant, the bus mall is the ideal public place for farting.

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